Finally Free - I hope

Well.

These past 3 weeks have been a blur, of studying and crying.
of eating and sleeping.
rinse and repeat.

It has been a hard slog.

and I'm not even sure if I have passed.

I have a sick empty feeling inside that is saying to me - you haven't passed.

It's such a possibility.

Such a big, brutal possibility.

What do I do when or if that happens?

For now I wait. I wait with abated breath.

with strong, strong levels of concern.

A feeling deep in my stomach that feels like I am constantly on the verge of throwing up.

Although I think that is a little (or a lot) to do with the other things going on at the moment.

Somebody asked me about it, and I said it was the emotional equivalent of being kicked in the nuts. I don't know what that feels like, but if I did, I would say it was something like this.

Something I should have realized was on the cards to be honest - and yet it still came as such a shock. Like a slap to the face, or an unexpected glass of water.

I want to say now is a bad time, but is there ever a good time? Probably not. Just wish I knew if I was passing or failing first. That would be nice.