Happiness.

Should not be placed in other peoples hands.

and yet - it so often is.

peace out.

What if?

A constant struggle of life.

What if I hadn't have...?

What if I don't...? 

What if I can't... ? 

What if I do... ?

What if I can't cope... ? 

What if I'm settling ... ?

What if I'm struggling... ? 

What if this is the best it's going to get... ? 

What if it is the worst?

life. so uncertain. 

guilt.

over riding my being.

painful.

heartbreaking.

guilt.

being a human and making terrible mistakes is just not fun. 

2am.

How am I gonna be an optimist about this?


And if you close your eyes,  does it almost feel like nothings changed at all?

a breathe of fresh air

inhale. deep. breath.

hold it tight in my lungs. 

exhale.

trying to hold onto the memories, the sensations. 

the exhilaration.

is there such a thing as too much of a good thing? 

too much fun? 

too much freedom? 

happy to be alive. 

Exciting times

8.5 weeks left until I leave the country on my very own exciting adventure!  To see the world ! Well central America. To learn Spanish, to teach English, to learn about myself and to celebrate true adulthood.

Strange huh?

Cannot wait!

So much money draining from my savings account (not yet since I have paid for everything on credit cards so far but soon)

Exciting none the less to think I will soon be jetting off all by myself for the very first time. Eee!

.

time has past.

I made up my mind.

I bought my flights. [life is great]

now to work. and save. and plan. and feel like the edge of the world is just in my reach.

ready and waiting, on the precipice of the rest of my life.

excited. to travel. to learn. to understand.

still feels a bit like I'm treading water until then though.

waiting. waiting. waiting.