Another day.

More study.
Less sleep.
Only so much caffeine can do past a certain point.
So tired I could cry
Must push through
Study.
Must finish notes
Must start practice exams
Must pass subjects.
So tired I could cry.

It's all relative

It is kind of funny how times change?

I currently have $589.65 in my everyday account.

I only mention this because this week I was worrying I wouldn't have enough money to see me through til next payday (not this Thursday but the next) because I had put too much into my savings account (which I will not touch, if I do I don't get my amazing 0.8 extra points in interest!)

I had to laugh at myself when I realized what I was implying. That I couldn't last 10 days without spending nearly $600!  Now yes, I do spend more money now I don't live at home (and can't cook, and inadvertently end up buying a large proportion of my meals) but not being able to spend less than $300 a week if I have to?! Ridiculous.

Not actually an issue mind you, unless something major happens to Judith or I get drunk and decide its a great idea to put all my available cash on my myki (its happened before, and okay not an unsound investment I do use it, but so unnecessary when I have other things I can do with my money)

It just made me laugh for the days when I would never let my everyday account have more than 100 dollars in it - wasted space since it doesn't get any interest! Where now, $500 isn't even that much money (I joke, it still is. I look at my flight prices to L.A) but still, I would make it in a week easily. One pay check and that number is doubled. Which is why it feels so uneasy I think, because it feels like it could all go in a heart beat (which it could realistically) and what do I do if it does?

the answer is simple; I wait til next Thursday, it is not that long away. I guess it is nice to save, but it is also nice to spend. And when you work more, the want to spend more is kind of there. But the ability to actually do so (when is there time?!) is definitely lessened.

All offers on the table

Finally had one of the most honest conversations I've had in awhile with one of bosses from Meridian, about my intentions next year, what I am feeling/my offer/where I am at the moment.

I guess I was expecting a bit more of a "here is your offer with us, take it or leave it" but it wasn't like that at all.

They were very open about letting me do what I want, literally whatever I want.

I can come back to work after exams - I can not.

I can take up a job full time/career - or I can not.

I can work when I want, for what I want.

It is borderline ridiculous.

It was a weight off my shoulders though. Especially after the roster stress of the last few weeks, now I can relax and know the next term isn't going to be as bad as I was thinking.

Plus I might actually be able to save some substantial money! Which also would be lovely.

I still need to talk to the big boss.

The one who informs me that taking the offer at PwC is not a good idea, that I should hold out for Deloitte.

But what if I am holding out forever?

I guess it is worth discussing it with him, and maybe it will be a coffee date with somebody from Deloitte. I think I have more of a respect for PwC though than I have given credit for up until now. They were willing to take such a big chance on me, and  I want to help them move into a league I know they want to go, to grow and be a leading player.

It could be really exciting to be a part of that.

Or maybe I'm just naive?

But I guess I am young enough to make the wrong decisions. This is the time to make the wrong decisions, but to make them for the right reasons.

I have this gut feeling that next year could be great. The beginning of the rest of my life, so to speak. And a part of me, quite a big part, wants that to be with PwC, and there needs to be some hard selling done to change my mind...

Excited, confused and scared

For my future.
It's just around the corner
D-day
When I need to officially - emotionally and mentally - commit to it.
To know what I want
Or at least decide what I will do about it.
For being truly independent from University (let's face it I practically am now)
For working in a job that will be the beginning of my career.

Today the Senior Consultant for pwc in analytics came into uni to give a talk about future mathematical career possibilities. Of which one of them is his job - my job to be.

He made one statement that freaked me out a little

we hire graduates who have been studying 4-5 years.  Honours/Masters/postgrad

Um what I am? 

It was also nice to hear what kinds of things I could expect given he was where I hope to be in 4 years time... better yet,  he was selling the job I HAVE coming up. It was great. I loved what he said. Which I guess leaves me even less likely to renege on the offer. 

Side note - applications for masters next semester were opening today and I hadn't even known or cared... guess I'm comfortable with that decision too.

Disclaimer - wrote this blog on Tuesday 21st but it just wouldn't post from my phone.

Better the devil you know

Doubting myself a little as of late

Work 1 have released a tentative schedule for the upcoming roster, and I guess I've realized nothing is going to change.

I'm so excited for Uni to finish, but actually it has been my excuse for not getting anything done - but is not the reason at all.

A scary notion since I am going to be spending the next 30 years of my life... working.

Working is tough.

Money is great, but the 9-5 (or more like 8 - 10) lifestyle is a bit soul crushing at times. I barely find time to think, let alone study, and the idea that not having to worry about the study part will make it any easier is somewhat of a joke.

I will be less stressed (hopefully, although the potential conflict of works is not looking too pleasant)

But I'm not going to have any more time.

Do I even need to work this much? No probably not.

The money is nice though.

I do want to travel, and not have to worry about funding.

Would be great to not have to work though? Or to get paid just to do things that are fun/changing.

I guess that's the pipe dream, maybe my job will be like that, but what if it isn't? A thought that kind of scares me; not being able to enjoy my work. I've worked hard to try and get a good, respectable job, that suits me. But what if my idea of what I like isn't actually what I like at all? Silly? maybe. But still a thought I have had a few times in my life. What if I'm not actually any good at numbers as I have thought my whole life that I am?

I've gotten comfortable at Uni.

I know how to do it.

In the most part I have figured out how to pass/succeed if I have the time (hopefully I pass this semester #fuck.im.an.idiot.sometimes)

I don't know if I am ready to be responsible.

I guess I am already, but it doesn't feel like it.

And now as I get closer to graduating (going into my last week of uni... what?!) its becoming more and more relevant. And I am scared. Excited. but scared.

8:30

Isn't as bad a time to wake up when you go to bed at a reasonable time.
 
Who knew?

Ah who am I kidding,  definitely still snoozed my alarm 3 times...

But! I am awake and at uni in time for class and almost feeling like a fully functioning human being that I might be able to get some work done!  Hoorah!

Such an insane Monday night. A good netball win though :)

Now for one tonight! 

Xx

Living, Working and Competing in a mans world

I've always been competitive.

A fighter.

A little bit of a feminist in my formative/younger years (A title I don't really wish to be associated with nowadays, due to a lot of negative connotations)

And something I have always found interesting is that whilst I can remember defiantly informing people in my life that girls had all the same opportunities as boys; nobody really believed me.

An interesting notion; since as far as I have felt growing up, things have in fact been EASIER for me as a girl. Or at least, a lot less competitive.

In a generation fighting for gender equality, I have found myself able to rise above, probably more than I deserve, on the basis of being a girl.

Attending a Private School on a scholarship because I was a girl (and the not-so-recently boys school turned Co-ed were able to award scholarships to girls ahead of boys)

Being chosen for jobs over men with the same (if not better) qualifications based on the desire to "increase gender equality". However so many less girls apply. In fact, girls just don't do what I do. (mostly)

Which is another thing, I've never really felt that I was confined into doing something based on my gender (I can't cook, and I daresay I will not be a "stay-at-home" mum) but I have noticed that so many people around me have.

I don't feel like studying a maths major is all that "boy" specific, and yet there are so few girls that do it. Stranger yet was the number of girls who applied for a job in Assurance at PwC. At my assessment centre I was one of four girls (in a room of 24) and the only Caucasian. I didn't even realize I would be walking into such an advantage but I was. Company's are so focused on trying to make gender equality, that I feel I've barely had to try to be offered jobs, not saying that I haven't tried. I have.

Maybe I have unintentionally tried hard expecting it to be more challenging for me than the boys around me, and have in fact just been experiencing the benefits of my struggles. It definitely doesn't feel that way though, not in the slightest.

I guess I should take this win whilst I still can, since my desire to one day have children is definitely going to hinder my career a lot more than my male counter parts. Guess that is one reason I am pushing my career so early, able to have a good grounding before I need to take 12weeks - 6months off for children. But then again, maybe I'm wishing my life away.

That's my tidbit for today (actually this blog has been a couple of days in the making I just keep forgetting to finish it to post).

It all stems from something a friend said to me. We were in a stats lecture, and the lecturer gave an example of experimental design and mentioned that "maybe for example, males are more likely to get a job than females", and my friend lent over and said "Well not at PwC" and I guess he was right. I got the job, and he didn't. He is a better student, and from our reviews, a better worker too. It doesn't really makes sense to me that I would be more what they were looking for than him, but then again, I might be selling myself too short (a quality more common in women than men, and a contributing factor in the difference in pays for men and women in the same careers - interesting tidbit)

I guess I just need to ride the wave whilst I still can - take all opportunities life is willing to give me. I've always been one to want to do things myself, be the person who knew things (go against "Its who you know, not what you know") but I've learnt as time goes on, that I am just denying myself the same thing everybody else is doing, and for what? my Pride?

Whoops, side tracked. Should probably write a new post all about that!

I think that is enough food for thought for now

xx

Arts degree

Why didn't I do one again? 

Oh yeah. Because I'm obsessed with numbers. 

Still frustrating that an essay I know was terrible got near perfect marks. Obviously I'm okay with this - I got a good mark. But I hate that whilst I did put in effort,  it was a lot less effort I put in for my subjects which will get probably the same,  if not worse,  marks.

And I am GOOD at what I do. 

People come to me for help/advice

I know my shit.

So why is it so hard? 

China

Blog removed.

Not going to be  that girl 

Studying

Its all about the detail

Handed in an assignment where I didn't hand in a whole question.

Question wasn't marked.

So lucky.

Waiting for all the balls to come crashing down.  But maybe they won't? 

Slept for 12 hours last night. Ridiculous. Amazing.

Sick as a dog but the sleep is definitely helping me feel better.

Onto more interesting topics - I managed to "kill" my lecturer with the severity of my mistakes in an assignment -  and got better than 80%. Seems ludicrous but makes sense in context (same assignment I didn't hand in question 2 too, everything coming up Milhouse? )

Well time to study.

Posting from my phone - is it obvious? 

maths.

Is fun.

right up until it isn't.

actually, it is usually the other way around.

It is heartbreak. Frustration. Painstakingly overwhelming.

until you get it.

and the numbers fall into place in a way you could never imagine.

Such beauty. Such clarity.

Oh wait, is it backwards? why is it backwards?

 and you are back, back to square one and you hate yourself all over again.

Or its 5am and you still haven't finished an assignment.

Or its 12pm and you have 300 lecture slides to rewrite.

Or you are handing in an assignment you just can't convince yourself is correct.

but then there are the moments. Some small moments. That make you love the apparent simplicity of what otherwise is intimidatingly complex.

rant over.

In other news, the Senior Consultant from my department at PwC is giving a speech at uni next week, for a "Careers in Mathematics" talk. Have I officially made it? What a scary, and exciting thought.

Time

Just goes so much faster nowadays.

I know that sounds a little bit crazy; and the mathematician in me says its probably a relativity thing. One year is always one year, but when you are five its another fifth of your life, where now it is less than 5% !

It feels like yesterday I was celebrating the new year.

Maybe a week ago I was turning 21.

And about a month ago I was backpacking through South America.

When I was planning travelling again after that trip, 18 months seemed like such a long time to wait.

But now, that trip is fast approaching and I am a lot less prepared than I thought I would be.

Where is all that money I was going to save? And amazing Spanish skills I was going to have, and of course, why is my entire life not sorted out? I think the only bit that DID go to plan (by pure chance) is that I don't still live at home! Life aspiration achieved [unintentional Sims reference, backsliding a little bit there]  

Sometimes it is hard to remember life doesn't always go to the lovely plans you set out, but it is still fun to try.

Whilst those questions still linger, I am determined to get away. Especially if I am going to be starting full time work in March, this is the last chance I am going to get to get away.

As I work each day - and exams edge closer - and the end is almost in touch. I actually want time to slow down a bit, so I can have everything I want (like actually seeing some of my friends!) when I want it. I know this has been a choice, and it is a choice I have made deliberately. Its only 6 months, right? (with 4.5 down, only 1.5 to go)


Oh and Happy Mothers Day to all those mothers out there!

Another thing that makes me feel old - the number of people I know having children/getting married. I thought that phase of my life was at least another 3-5 years away.

And yet, some of my friends might still be at Uni for another 3 years, I guess just because we graduate high school at the same time doesn't mean everything else will be the same. Time plays a lovely roll in that. Time that rules our lives, that dictates so many of our decisions, but at the end of the day is a constant in all of our lives.

Just another weekend

Well it may have been my birthday recently but it is definitely quickly back to the grindstone!

After 3 days of birthday related joys - Wednesday night dinner, Thursday night drinks, Friday night dinner -  it is time to get stuck back into studying and working for my keep!

With a bit over a month til I am completely finished (20th of June if you didn't already know) it is hard to believe my university career is finally coming to an end. [Disclaimer: Pass Pending]

It has been a very quick three years, but so much has changed since 2010 (or better yet, since 2009)

The strangest and most amazing part is the amount of things that have changed for the better. It is hard to say what counts as successful in life; but one thing is for sure I am a lot happier and comfortable with who I am, and I what I want in life. I just need to pass ;)

Well, enough procrastinating with this blog, time to write out some lecture notes and learn some mathematical things for those exams that are coming up a lot sooner than I would like! And before I have to go to work, like I do every Saturday, such a rebel right here.


xx

A new age; A new blog

                                                         Happy Birthday to me!

but in all seriousness, it is hard to believe a whole year has passed since I turned 21.

My entire life my mother has said when she was 22 was the best year of her life. I don't know if that will be the same for me [So far I have found that each year of my life has been better than the one before - a trend I hope to continue] but one thing I am sure of, is that this is my first year out on my own - living the "adult" life, making my own choices, and learning how to be the person I want to be.

It is very exciting, nerve-racking, times

I look forward to sharing some of it with you, or more importantly beginning this journey together

Plus, I plan on travelling for a good portion of this year - so really this is just the beginning of what will be my travel blog ! Hopefully.

Expect a dash of my life, thrown at a blog and seeing what sticks.

much love and respect to you all

Sarah