Better the devil you know

Doubting myself a little as of late

Work 1 have released a tentative schedule for the upcoming roster, and I guess I've realized nothing is going to change.

I'm so excited for Uni to finish, but actually it has been my excuse for not getting anything done - but is not the reason at all.

A scary notion since I am going to be spending the next 30 years of my life... working.

Working is tough.

Money is great, but the 9-5 (or more like 8 - 10) lifestyle is a bit soul crushing at times. I barely find time to think, let alone study, and the idea that not having to worry about the study part will make it any easier is somewhat of a joke.

I will be less stressed (hopefully, although the potential conflict of works is not looking too pleasant)

But I'm not going to have any more time.

Do I even need to work this much? No probably not.

The money is nice though.

I do want to travel, and not have to worry about funding.

Would be great to not have to work though? Or to get paid just to do things that are fun/changing.

I guess that's the pipe dream, maybe my job will be like that, but what if it isn't? A thought that kind of scares me; not being able to enjoy my work. I've worked hard to try and get a good, respectable job, that suits me. But what if my idea of what I like isn't actually what I like at all? Silly? maybe. But still a thought I have had a few times in my life. What if I'm not actually any good at numbers as I have thought my whole life that I am?

I've gotten comfortable at Uni.

I know how to do it.

In the most part I have figured out how to pass/succeed if I have the time (hopefully I pass this semester #fuck.im.an.idiot.sometimes)

I don't know if I am ready to be responsible.

I guess I am already, but it doesn't feel like it.

And now as I get closer to graduating (going into my last week of uni... what?!) its becoming more and more relevant. And I am scared. Excited. but scared.