In a nut shell. I think I found my problem.
I'm conservative
I don't take risks
I never have
I follow more often than lead, because it's comfortable and easy and because it is trusted.
I don't spend money (if I can help it) I first discovered this at a young age - Ironically playing Neopets. I cared more about the size of my bank account that I didn't even feed my poor pets.
I think this is why I am struggling so much with the decision I need to make. Because it isn't clear. There is no answer. I can't solve this the way I would a mathematics problem. And I know not all of them have a clear solution either, but this is different. There isn't a path I see that is clearly better than the other.
There isn't a path that doesn't get me at least a little bit dirty.
What do I do now?
Where do I want to go?
Who do I want to be?
I want to matter.
I want to enjoy my job.
I want to be good at it.
I don't want to stress.
I want to travel, now and in the future.
I want to succeed, I want to be able to use the skills that I have in a way that will make a difference.
I think I like being a Pricing Analyst more than I do Data, if today was anything to go by.
Its hard to believe how much I have learnt in the last three months working in Electricity, and its hard to believe how scary I found it at first. Okay I still do sometimes.
I think that is another issue, that I still - quite regularly - feel stressed. And the need to prove myself, and my worth, and my talent (what is that again?!) that isn't even a joke. I still struggle to fathom what I am good at on my bad days. Today however was one of my good days.
I like the good days - although, at times I kind of wish I hated my job and leaving it would be easy, rather than this mess I seem to have got myself into at the moment. What do I do, and how do I do it?
Who would have thought having to decide your career at 22 would be this hard? Maybe it isn't really hard at all and I'm just scared. Probably.
Tomorrow I think I will write a Pro-Con list.
I'm conservative
I don't take risks
I never have
I follow more often than lead, because it's comfortable and easy and because it is trusted.
I don't spend money (if I can help it) I first discovered this at a young age - Ironically playing Neopets. I cared more about the size of my bank account that I didn't even feed my poor pets.
I think this is why I am struggling so much with the decision I need to make. Because it isn't clear. There is no answer. I can't solve this the way I would a mathematics problem. And I know not all of them have a clear solution either, but this is different. There isn't a path I see that is clearly better than the other.
There isn't a path that doesn't get me at least a little bit dirty.
What do I do now?
Where do I want to go?
Who do I want to be?
I want to matter.
I want to enjoy my job.
I want to be good at it.
I don't want to stress.
I want to travel, now and in the future.
I want to succeed, I want to be able to use the skills that I have in a way that will make a difference.
I think I like being a Pricing Analyst more than I do Data, if today was anything to go by.
Its hard to believe how much I have learnt in the last three months working in Electricity, and its hard to believe how scary I found it at first. Okay I still do sometimes.
I think that is another issue, that I still - quite regularly - feel stressed. And the need to prove myself, and my worth, and my talent (what is that again?!) that isn't even a joke. I still struggle to fathom what I am good at on my bad days. Today however was one of my good days.
I like the good days - although, at times I kind of wish I hated my job and leaving it would be easy, rather than this mess I seem to have got myself into at the moment. What do I do, and how do I do it?
Who would have thought having to decide your career at 22 would be this hard? Maybe it isn't really hard at all and I'm just scared. Probably.
Tomorrow I think I will write a Pro-Con list.
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